Part 3: The Engagement, When Patience Was Tested

It finally was happening, I had a ring I always dreamed about. Now to start the planning, let's see a year sounds good. Still seems long but gives me enough time to enjoy the planning while still finishing up school. It will be perfect, my engagement will be the happiest time with celebrating our upcoming marriage. Well I must say that it didn't exactly go the way I always dreamed it would be. I've struggled for a while now of what all to share about our engagement. Nothing terrible happened but I will admit my patience was definitely tested and I can truly testify that true love is patient! Which is why I titled this blog Love is Patient. I've been asking God to guide me in what He wants me to share in case there are other girls struggling with what I struggled with during our engagement. So here is how our engagement really went.... Once we arrived back from vacation my nerves began to settle in but also was covered up with excitement and I could not wait to get back to my apartment in Nacogdoches to show all my room mates my gorgeous ring! Sure enough as soon as I got back all three of my room mates ran out to meet me and congratulate me! While I was soaking in all the excitement with my room mates little did they know inside I was very nervous because behind the scenes things weren't so exciting. Already talk about possible dates were floating in the air between us and family and well everyone seemed to have an opinion about it and I felt stuck in the middle and tugged like a rope in tug of war while screaming with no one listening. The sad thing was this went on for about a month and there were many mornings I would wake up before anyone, stare at my ring and question if I made the right decision. There were times I would say if I knew this would cause this much trouble I wouldn't have said yes. Shocking huh? After looking at dates I felt as if God had given me the date. But it wasn't exactly what I had in mind. Remember how I said 1 year sounded great well like I said that was MY dream. Oh 1 1/2 years then..... Nope..... 3 YEARS!!!! At first I didn't like it, ok let's be honest, I hated the idea! Not to mention I knew JR probably wouldn't agree and well I was right about that. So the prayers went forth and while it was a very touchy subject for a while for us I finally let go and let God take care of the situation and we come to accept it. Well it wasn't easy after that especially when others would say "wow that's forever from now" or "if you're going to wait that long why even get engaged?" Funny thing is that wasn't even the hard part, even though at the time I thought it was the worst possible thing. So what is one of the hardest parts about being engaged and having to wait for 3 years? Well JR and I first started dating we had committed to abstinence. And I am a witness to the fact that it is still possible to make such commitment. And trust me it is way easier said than done! Now with that being said and knowing that our engagement was going to be long I never knew God was dealing with JR about something I had not even bothered to think or pray about. Six months into our engagement after morning service one Sunday JR told me in the car "Honey God's really been convicting me about something." "Oh really!? What is it?" "Us kissing" "Wait.... What!?" I froze, my heart was pounding, this can't be happening.... We went to lunch and didn't talk and I fought tears back the entire time. It didn't take long for satan to start putting ideas of "he doesn't love you anymore" in my head. Thoughts of why in the world would God ask us now to give up kissing? Is this my sign that we're not aupposed to be together? Why is this happening? We've already committed to staying pure. Many I know still kissed before they got married and stayed pure. Why do we have to give up kissing? Yes the temptation to give in is still there and can be stronger at times but still we have never given in. Why us? Once he took me back to my apartment I broke down. JR just wrapped me in his arms and pulled me in close. He knew I'd probably be upset but he didn't expect it to be as bad. Then I explained how in a past relationship had ended soon after the guy had said he couldn't kiss me, hold my hand, or even sit next to me anymore. And well it felt like that was happening all over again but with the man I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. So we talked about it and JR shared how he had been struggling with the conviction for months but was afraid to tell me. and how he didnt really want to accept it either but he knew he needed to listen to God. I realized the thought of breaking up with me was not even in the plan. It made me thankful JR was reaching out to God and listening to him but at the time I hate to admit it, I was still upset and in the back of my mind I was saying this will not last long he will give in and kiss me again before we get married. For the next month I regret to admit I often tried to tempt JR into kissing me again. Looking back I am ashamed of my motives and instead of encouraging and trying to help him I was trying to bring him down. It didn't take long before God showed me He was trying to get my attention and help us through our engagement in keeping our commitment we first made but also help me realize our relationship, and any relationship for that matter, was about more than just the physical aspect of a relationship. After accepting all of this I come respect JR even more for following his convictions even though it may have been difficult. Once again I was blown away at what God was doing within JR and it encouraged me to focus on allowing God to mold me into the Godly wife I needed to be. Another hard thing I was dealing with, was well being a photographer I was hired to photograph a few weddings not to mention attending a few weddings as a guest. And let me tell you, I've never been to so many weddings until we were engaged. Talking about some torture. Not that I wasn't happy for the sweet couples it just made me that much more anxious for our wedding to come. Not to mention watching many get engaged on facebook and getting married soon after. It was somewhat of a jealous feeling just like when I was single and watching all my friends going out on dates and me just sitting at home. And while yes we had committed to abstinence knowing that some couples were already living together made it somewhat hard too. Coming to terms with the fact I was already fighting that temptation on top of also fighting the temptation of trying not to kiss JR before the wedding sometimes was unbearable. I remember many nights plopping on my parents bed crying to my Mom saying how unfair it all was. And it felt like torture even though I knew we were doing what God wanted us to do. So was my engagement turning out how I had dreamed? No but closer to the wedding it got much better. Once we were a few months away it flew by and I could not wait to be JRs wife! I began to see more and more why God had given us a long engagement. See a year before our wedding I was still finishing up my bachelors degree at SFASU when JR was hired to be the band director at a school district that would be 1 1/2 hours away from Nacogdoches. But you see I was only going to be in Nacogdoches for another semester then move back in with my parents to student teach in Tyler before we got married which was 3 hours away from where JR would be. While I was happy he had a job I was dreading the long distance because I thought we were finished with it after dealing with it when we first started dating. I also thought back on when we were planning and one date we were considering was when I had a year left of school and I realized there was no way that would have worked with him living 3 hours away during my student teaching. While it was hard dealing with it at the end of our engagement I can't imagine dealing with it being married. So the date God had originally set for was beginning to make more sense. And on June 1st 2012 the day finally come. I was so ready to become JRs wife. The girls would laugh at me every once in a while as I would start giggling and screaming "I finally get to kiss him!!" I could not wait to spend the rest of my life with him! So I put on my white dress and just like in a fairy tale a horse drawn carriage picked up my dad and I and he walked me down the isle to the song "how Great is Our God" to a gazebo where JR and I exchanged vows committing to each other for better or worse, for richer or poorer, till death do us part. And I couldnt have been more excited to hear "I now pronounce you husband and wife, you may kiss the bride." After waiting 2 1/2 years that kiss was even better and more special than the very first time we kissed. The entire wedding was absolutely beautiful and beyond what I ever imagined. There is not one thing I would have changed at our wedding. And looking back there is not one thing I would have changed about our engagement. I know during it I thought differently but God brought us through so much and it made our relationship stronger. I always get asked "So was it all worth the wait?" "Most Definitely, YES!" -Jessica