A Smile Can Change Everything!

It's been a while since I've blogged and well it's been a little crazy now that school is in full swing. I've been struggling for awhile about what I wanted to post about next. My last posts have been about J.R. and I's engagement and wedding and I plan to blog about marriage but I wanted to share about what I do. I teach, and not just anything, I teach Special Ed Life Skills. So what is it like to be a Life Skills teacher? Well everyday is different, you learn to expect the unexpected because you never know what might happen. You have your really good days and then you have your REALLY BAD days! I've been pushed, pulled, kicked, hit, punched, and even spit in the face but yet I love it! I know it may seem crazy but most life skill teachers I have not only worked with but student taught with or even met absolutely love their job too! And let me tell you why.... It's rewarding. It's rewarding when you have a student with autism who is labeled "non verbal" answer a question verbally with out any help. It's rewarding when a student is introduced to assistive technology that will speak for them and they realize they have a way to finally communicate. It's rewarding when a student that loves being at school lights up when they see us while trying to get off the bus and practically leaps off. It's rewarding when a student bakes a cake with little assistant and is thrilled to share it with others. It's rewarding to see a student almost jumps out of their wheelchair for joy when hearing Baby by Justin Bieber (even if it get's stuck in my head for the rest of the day). It's rewarding to when a student finally masters a goal they have been working on for months. It's rewarding when a student that refuses to speak to many people connects with you over their interests and comes in your classroom to talk your ear off. And the list goes on and on and on but one of the most rewarding things for me is to see my students smile. For some of them it takes a lot to make them smile while for others I can just say their name and they just light up. Even on the hardest days if I can just make one of them smile it's worth it! I love every single one of my students and even when I get pushed, pulled, hit, punched, or even spit on I just remember how blessed I am to be working with some amazing students that just with a smile they are able to brighten my day!

Part 3: The Engagement, When Patience Was Tested

It finally was happening, I had a ring I always dreamed about. Now to start the planning, let's see a year sounds good. Still seems long but gives me enough time to enjoy the planning while still finishing up school. It will be perfect, my engagement will be the happiest time with celebrating our upcoming marriage. Well I must say that it didn't exactly go the way I always dreamed it would be. I've struggled for a while now of what all to share about our engagement. Nothing terrible happened but I will admit my patience was definitely tested and I can truly testify that true love is patient! Which is why I titled this blog Love is Patient. I've been asking God to guide me in what He wants me to share in case there are other girls struggling with what I struggled with during our engagement. So here is how our engagement really went.... Once we arrived back from vacation my nerves began to settle in but also was covered up with excitement and I could not wait to get back to my apartment in Nacogdoches to show all my room mates my gorgeous ring! Sure enough as soon as I got back all three of my room mates ran out to meet me and congratulate me! While I was soaking in all the excitement with my room mates little did they know inside I was very nervous because behind the scenes things weren't so exciting. Already talk about possible dates were floating in the air between us and family and well everyone seemed to have an opinion about it and I felt stuck in the middle and tugged like a rope in tug of war while screaming with no one listening. The sad thing was this went on for about a month and there were many mornings I would wake up before anyone, stare at my ring and question if I made the right decision. There were times I would say if I knew this would cause this much trouble I wouldn't have said yes. Shocking huh? After looking at dates I felt as if God had given me the date. But it wasn't exactly what I had in mind. Remember how I said 1 year sounded great well like I said that was MY dream. Oh 1 1/2 years then..... Nope..... 3 YEARS!!!! At first I didn't like it, ok let's be honest, I hated the idea! Not to mention I knew JR probably wouldn't agree and well I was right about that. So the prayers went forth and while it was a very touchy subject for a while for us I finally let go and let God take care of the situation and we come to accept it. Well it wasn't easy after that especially when others would say "wow that's forever from now" or "if you're going to wait that long why even get engaged?" Funny thing is that wasn't even the hard part, even though at the time I thought it was the worst possible thing. So what is one of the hardest parts about being engaged and having to wait for 3 years? Well JR and I first started dating we had committed to abstinence. And I am a witness to the fact that it is still possible to make such commitment. And trust me it is way easier said than done! Now with that being said and knowing that our engagement was going to be long I never knew God was dealing with JR about something I had not even bothered to think or pray about. Six months into our engagement after morning service one Sunday JR told me in the car "Honey God's really been convicting me about something." "Oh really!? What is it?" "Us kissing" "Wait.... What!?" I froze, my heart was pounding, this can't be happening.... We went to lunch and didn't talk and I fought tears back the entire time. It didn't take long for satan to start putting ideas of "he doesn't love you anymore" in my head. Thoughts of why in the world would God ask us now to give up kissing? Is this my sign that we're not aupposed to be together? Why is this happening? We've already committed to staying pure. Many I know still kissed before they got married and stayed pure. Why do we have to give up kissing? Yes the temptation to give in is still there and can be stronger at times but still we have never given in. Why us? Once he took me back to my apartment I broke down. JR just wrapped me in his arms and pulled me in close. He knew I'd probably be upset but he didn't expect it to be as bad. Then I explained how in a past relationship had ended soon after the guy had said he couldn't kiss me, hold my hand, or even sit next to me anymore. And well it felt like that was happening all over again but with the man I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. So we talked about it and JR shared how he had been struggling with the conviction for months but was afraid to tell me. and how he didnt really want to accept it either but he knew he needed to listen to God. I realized the thought of breaking up with me was not even in the plan. It made me thankful JR was reaching out to God and listening to him but at the time I hate to admit it, I was still upset and in the back of my mind I was saying this will not last long he will give in and kiss me again before we get married. For the next month I regret to admit I often tried to tempt JR into kissing me again. Looking back I am ashamed of my motives and instead of encouraging and trying to help him I was trying to bring him down. It didn't take long before God showed me He was trying to get my attention and help us through our engagement in keeping our commitment we first made but also help me realize our relationship, and any relationship for that matter, was about more than just the physical aspect of a relationship. After accepting all of this I come respect JR even more for following his convictions even though it may have been difficult. Once again I was blown away at what God was doing within JR and it encouraged me to focus on allowing God to mold me into the Godly wife I needed to be. Another hard thing I was dealing with, was well being a photographer I was hired to photograph a few weddings not to mention attending a few weddings as a guest. And let me tell you, I've never been to so many weddings until we were engaged. Talking about some torture. Not that I wasn't happy for the sweet couples it just made me that much more anxious for our wedding to come. Not to mention watching many get engaged on facebook and getting married soon after. It was somewhat of a jealous feeling just like when I was single and watching all my friends going out on dates and me just sitting at home. And while yes we had committed to abstinence knowing that some couples were already living together made it somewhat hard too. Coming to terms with the fact I was already fighting that temptation on top of also fighting the temptation of trying not to kiss JR before the wedding sometimes was unbearable. I remember many nights plopping on my parents bed crying to my Mom saying how unfair it all was. And it felt like torture even though I knew we were doing what God wanted us to do. So was my engagement turning out how I had dreamed? No but closer to the wedding it got much better. Once we were a few months away it flew by and I could not wait to be JRs wife! I began to see more and more why God had given us a long engagement. See a year before our wedding I was still finishing up my bachelors degree at SFASU when JR was hired to be the band director at a school district that would be 1 1/2 hours away from Nacogdoches. But you see I was only going to be in Nacogdoches for another semester then move back in with my parents to student teach in Tyler before we got married which was 3 hours away from where JR would be. While I was happy he had a job I was dreading the long distance because I thought we were finished with it after dealing with it when we first started dating. I also thought back on when we were planning and one date we were considering was when I had a year left of school and I realized there was no way that would have worked with him living 3 hours away during my student teaching. While it was hard dealing with it at the end of our engagement I can't imagine dealing with it being married. So the date God had originally set for was beginning to make more sense. And on June 1st 2012 the day finally come. I was so ready to become JRs wife. The girls would laugh at me every once in a while as I would start giggling and screaming "I finally get to kiss him!!" I could not wait to spend the rest of my life with him! So I put on my white dress and just like in a fairy tale a horse drawn carriage picked up my dad and I and he walked me down the isle to the song "how Great is Our God" to a gazebo where JR and I exchanged vows committing to each other for better or worse, for richer or poorer, till death do us part. And I couldnt have been more excited to hear "I now pronounce you husband and wife, you may kiss the bride." After waiting 2 1/2 years that kiss was even better and more special than the very first time we kissed. The entire wedding was absolutely beautiful and beyond what I ever imagined. There is not one thing I would have changed at our wedding. And looking back there is not one thing I would have changed about our engagement. I know during it I thought differently but God brought us through so much and it made our relationship stronger. I always get asked "So was it all worth the wait?" "Most Definitely, YES!" -Jessica

Part Two: The Proposal

Summer 2009 was coming fast and I had no idea it would turn out to be an unforgettable summer. My parents were planning a vacation in Florida on rosemary beach. We were given the opportunity to stay at a family's beach house for a week and it was big enough that my parents offered for JR to join us and he would have his own room and bathroom. After JR accepted the invite he asked my parents if while we were at Florida if he could take me on a date one night for a picnic on the beach and of course my parents said yes. I was then even more excited about the vacation because I would actually be going on a romantic date on the beach something I dreamed about but living in east Texas it's more likely for it happen at a lake. :) So we all loaded up and drove a long way to a gorgeous beach that you see in posters or post cards. It was absolutely breath taking! We found the beach house which was walking distance to the beach and right away I wanted to just live there! Or I could even settle just moving the house back to Texas. It was much bigger than what I expected and I loved how close to the beach it was. The first few days we were at the beach most of the day. Then we would go into Panama City and go shopping. On Wednesday JR planned to go on our date and I couldn't wait. That morning we woke up and it looked like it was going to rain.nwe went to Destin to go shopping and it rained the entire time, and at lunch my Dad said "y'all might not be able to go on your date." I said "If we have to wait till we get back home that's ok." JR quickly chimed in "NO we have to do it here." Confused I was like "Ok...." When we got back to e beach house it had stopped raining so we decided we better take advantage it not raining, so I quickly cooked us up a meal and we walked to the beach for our picnic. We found a nice spot on the beach and enjoyed our nice little meal while enjoying the beach. After we finished we went for a walk right as we turned to go back to our picnic spot JR stopped me and told me to close my eyes. When I opened there he was on one knee (shaking might I add) with a ring box held out "Jessica Kay Swinney, will you marry me." With tears in my eyes I of course said Yes! In complete shock and pure excitement I walked back holding tightly to my new fiancé's hand. I kept staring at the gorgeous ring that he had place on my finger and loved how it sparkled. When we got back to our picnic we took a few pictures and videoed what had just happened. We called our parents and right as we finished up it started sprinkling we packed up our stuff and walked back to the beach house. Along the way back JR told me that the night before he had checked the weather and there had been a huge storm cell that was supposed to hit where we were. He prayed that night that if it was God's will for him to propose that He would take care of the storm. That morning he checked it and the storm cell had split and went around where he was planning to propose. I was amazed at what God had done and what was even more amazing was as soon as we arrived back at the beach house it began to rain again. We both knew it was meant to be and for me it was a sign that God had a plan for us. I would love to say when we arrived back in Texas that everything went exactly as I had always dreamed my engagement would go but it wasn't. But I will save that for next time. I hope you will join me next time as I share some of the most difficult decisions we would make and what God taught me through those difficult times that really would test my patience. Many Blessings, Jessica

Part one: The beginning of a friendship

At the end of the summer of 2006 I was preparing to start summer band at Tyler Junior College. Honestly I was not excited about it at all for a few reasons, first of all I had planned on attending Southwestern Assmblies of God University but unfortunately God had other plans and well let's just say I was disappointed in His plan for the time being and was pouting about it (and I'm not proud to admit that). Second I had just graduated and come from a military marching band and well TJC was not and I was not too thrilled about it. Then the last reason was I at the time still did not know what I wanted to major in and so I was a little stressed about trying to figure out what I wanted to do. The only positive thing I was looking at was that a few of my friends I graduated high school with was going to be in the band too and it put me at ease to know I would know a few people. The first day of summer band I was sitting on the floor next to a few of my friends when this tall skinny guy walks up and says "Howdy I'm JR" to us. Now when he tells how we met he likes to remind me that when he saw my friends and I he said to himself "oh they're cute I'll go introduce myself" and that when he did we apparently glared at him. Now I can't confirm or deny that I glared at him but I can tell you in the back of my mind I'm thinking "oh great a crazy frat boy." Well I turned out to be partially right, he was pretty crazy in a funny way, and he was apart of the band fraternity. However he was not the type of "frat" boy I thought he was, I was thinking the crazy drinking and partying all the time type but he wasn't. Thankfully if I did glare at him he didn't take offense because we eventually became friends. Now it wasn't just us there was actually a group of us that became close and learned that we had a few things in common, we loved band and we loved God. Now I can't say it only took a month or so for JR and I realized we were made for each other because that's not how it happened at all! For two years we all just would hang out at the band hall and then during the summer we would go see movies or go out to eat. Also during that time I dated a few other guys and honestly never thought I would end up dating any of the guys in our little group! At the end of the spring semester of 2008 I had just ended a relationship and many of my friends from our group had just graduated and I was a little sad to know many of them were moving off in the fall to universities. Since I started with out a major and not deciding till my first semester I wanted to be in the Sign Language Interpreting program I still had another year but I stayed in band and had been chosen as assistant drum major (which JR had trained me). That summer I spent as much time as possible with my friends before they all moved off so I started working more in the band hall until I had to go to my other job at the Scroll Christian Bookstore down the road from TJC. At the time JR, Brittney, and Rachel worked in the band hall and we all were very close. But I had no idea what God had in store at the end of that summer. You see I was at a point that I had given up on dating for the fact that I had "dated" different guys looking for "the one" and saying God was in control of it but really and truly I was still trying to create my own fairy tale ending I guess you could say. Well I finally gave up and decided to just focus on my relationship with God and what he had for my life. It was then that by the end of the summer I realized I had feelings for JR but was unsure for a few reasons, first for most of the time I knew him he was not right with God but I knew he had started going to church with one of our friends but I still didn't know where he stood. Another reason was he was about to move and start attending Stephen F Austin State University. Also I really wasn't all that interested in starting a relationship and I didn't want to ruin our friendship. Well right before everyone moved off Brittney, JR, and I happened to be hanging out and Brittney just blurted out "I think you two should date." In shock we just looked at each other and all began talking about it. Well later JR and I decided we would go on "a date but not a date" (I know it sounds really crazy but it made since at the time). I still was unsure about a lot of things but I found out that he had rededicated his life and was getting baptized and he wanted me to be there and then wanted to take me out to lunch afterward. He then let me know that I had been one to influence and encourage him to get right with God. This just floored me! He also wanted to treat it like a date so he told me he would pick me up! (Now mind you I had always been raised the old fashioned way and even though I had dated many other guys I still had never had a date where the guy came and picked me up for a date) so on that Sunday he came and picked me up and took me to church, I was able to witness him get baptized, and he then took me out to eat . From there we began to talk more about the idea of starting a relationship but took about a month before we made it official. After all of this I watched as God moved through JR and while he continued to say God used me to get closer to Him, God was also using JR to draw me closer to Him. I was amazed at was God was doing with in him and little did I know that God had some big surprises ahead for both of us. I hope you join me as I share you the testimony of our proposal. And yes, it's a testimony because if God had not intervened it might not have happened (or at least how JR had planned for it to) Many Blessings, Jessica

The Beginning.....

I've been fighting lately on weather on not to start this blog. One because I struggle with just writing and keeping up with a journal how can I make sure ill keep up with this blog? Two I don't want to seem like one to be talking about myself and it look like I'm saying look at me, look at me. But after much prayer I decided I needed to do what I felt God tugging at my heart to do. I've been feeling like I should be sharing my own God written love story and no I'm not just calling it that because my husband I are Christians. It is truly a God written love story because I never could have imagined it to turn out to be like this! And I'm not saying that in a bad way I'm saying that in a my mind is still amazed at what God has done and continues to do in my husband and I's marriage! This blog is also going to be me sharing about my journey with teaching my new job teaching High School Special Ed Life Skills. My prayer out of all of this is that God can use me and this blog to hopefully encourage and draw others closer to Him. So I hope you will join me tomorrow when I share with you part one of how my husband and I first met and how he transformed a friendship into a beautiful love story. Many Blessings, Jessica :)